Welcome back to Let’s Play.  Last time, O’Malley wiped out some Borg, and now Admiral Quinn wants him to be a ship captain full-time.  How will O’Malley handle this new assignment?

Admiral Quinn asked me to return to Earth Starbase and see him about a ship commission.  I’m not too sure how I feel about that; I’d rather just stick with engineering.  He wouldn’t force me to be a captain, would he?  I guess I won’t know until we get there.

Earth Starbase looks pretty big:

We park the ship and I beam in to the lobby outside Admiral Quinn’s office.

Coming out of the transporter room, I turn the corner into the Admiral’s office.

[Keep in mind you come in to this room through that door, so you're facing the opposite direction from where the picture was taken.  Sulu is the guy with an "i" over his head, and Quinn is the guy on the far right.]

Admiral Quinn greets me as I enter.  “Ensign, welcome back to Earth.  You did great work against the Borg; we want to see more of that kind of thing while you’re in command of the U.S.S. Innovation.”

I clear my throat.  “Sir, I appreciate the offer, but –”

“Offer?”  He laughs.  “Ensign, this is an assignment.  Besides, now you’ll have a whole ship to tinker with.”  He taps a few buttons on his computer.  “I’ve authorized a retrofit of the Innovation, including some phaser targeting upgrades you’ll find useful.  You’ll want to speak with the Shipyard Headmaster to make sure the retrofits are done to your satisfaction.

“Three more things before you leave, Ensign.  A Bolian freighter has gone missing; speak with Malcolm Sissel in the shipyard for more information.  He’ll have its last known coordinates.  I want you to track it down.  An easy first assignment, I think.”  He waits for my nod, then goes on.  “Second, speak with Commander Akira Sulu before you leave my office.  He’ll have some other orders for you.”  He points across the room at Sulu’s desk.  “Third, take a tour of the station.  Make sure you know where things are and what resources are at your disposal.  Good luck, Ensign!”

I shake his hand, still bewildered at the barrage of information he just threw at me.  Well, first things first, I suppose; I walk over to Commander Sulu.

[For whatever reason, people have the hardest time finding Sulu.  It's the most common question asked by new players.  During the open beta it got so bad that Cryptic added a bunch of NPCs standing around the station whose job it is to casually mention where Sulu is every thirty seconds or so.  You can see two of those NPCs on the right side of the lobby screenshot above.  They just stand there staring at each other; every once in a while, they'll have a two sentence text-bubble conversation where one asks, "Have you seen Sulu recently?" and the other replies, "I think he's in Admiral Quinn's office."]

Sulu greets me with a smile.  “Congratulations on your new assignment, Ensign!  I need you to go out and stop by a few systems in the Vulcan sector, just to make sure nothing is amiss.  Simple enough, right?”  [Sulu is blinking in that screenshot, he doesn't have weird eyes.  I'll watch out for that in the future.]

I agree that it does indeed sound simple enough – simpler even than tracking down a missing freighter.  I take my leave of Sulu and head to the shipyard.

I speak briefly with the shipyard headmaster; he goes over the retrofit schematics with me and shows me what my ship will look like when it’s done:

[Edit: sorry, I lost this screenshot.]

Malcom Sissel is also in the shipyard.  I ask him about the missing freighter.

[I'm not sure why the title of this dialog is "Supplies for S.S. Azura".  Nobody ever mentions bringing them supplies; it's all about finding them.]

I assure him I’ll track down the S.S. Azura… as soon as I’ve found where they keep the synthahol on the station.  I need to relax after taking out all those Borg ships!

First up on my tour is Starship Requisitions.

This is where you go if you need a new ship, or if you want to requisition some high-end equipment.  They’ve got displays of all their ships up.  There’s also a model of a Danube-class Runabout on the table, but they won’t give me one.  Apparently only Deep Space 9 has them, and if I want one, I’ll have to go there to get it.

The next room is the stateroom, where Starfleet greets foreign dignitaries and holds various formal ceremonies.

The next room is the Exchange, where apparently I can sell anything I’ve found to other officers (in exchange for energy credits, of course), as well as access to my personal storage.

The Exchange has a nice view of Earth:

There’s a good view of Luna Colony from here too:

Last up is Club 47, where apparently someone has decided to stand on the table:

[That officer on the table is not a human player; it's a non-player (computer-controlled) character that for some reason has decided it should stand there.  The other three people next to her are also computer-controlled, acting as if nothing is amiss.  They're not acting drunk or anything, but it's more fun to pretend she is...]

Club 47 also has a laid back observation lounge if the common area gets too rowdy:

Well, I’m going to relax here for a bit before I head out to find the Azura.  I wonder if Club 47’s synthale is any good?

Join us for next week’s episode of Let’s Play Star Trek Online: Azura Rescue (for real this time)!

To recap, the reason is that AC2 requires an always-on internet connection to play — and this for a single-player game.  People often respond by saying something like “who cares?  Everyone has always-on internet nowadays.”

One of my objections was this:

What if you just don’t have an internet connection for whatever reason?  What if your ISP decides to shut down your connection for maintenance, or reset your modem remotely, or any number of other things that ISPs like to do which interrupt your connection?

It gets worse.  If Ubisoft’s servers go offline, you can’t play. What’s more, if they go out of business entirely, you can’t play ever again.

(Emphasis added.) As it turns out, I wasn’t wrong – you see, Ubisoft’s authentication servers have gone offline.  Whether the reason is a deliberate attack, a simple lack of sufficient server hardware, or something stupid like a janitor unplugging the authentication servers, it doesn’t matter – this is a perfect illustration of why I can’t support such idiotic DRM.

Joystiq quoted an Ubisoft employee as follows:

[C]learly the extended downtime and lengthy login issues are unacceptable, particularly as I’ve been told these servers are constantly monitored. [...] I’ll do what I can to get more information on what the issue is here first thing tomorrow and push for a resolution and assurance this won’t happen in the future.

First thing tomorrow?  I understand that it’s Sunday, and nobody wants to work Sundays, but if you’re going to force this sort of draconian DRM on your customers you’d better make sure it’s not going to fall apart shortly after the game launches.  Ubisoft, you’ve got hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of irate customers out there right now who can’t play a game they’ve already paid for, and you want to wait until tomorrow to fix it?

Do I really need to point out that anyone who pirated the game doesn’t have this problem?

Let me repeat: Ubisoft’s anti-piracy tool has exactly zero effect on pirates (it was cracked shortly after release), but as of right now is preventing every single paying customer from playing.  Ubisoft, does that make good business sense to you?

Let’s hope this makes them realize how stupid they are so they’ll disable this DRM.  Then I’d actually buy it.

(For the record: I have not pirated the game, nor do I intend to do so.)

Well, I guess I’m in charge of the ship.  I head to the bridge and get my first overview of the situation in space.

It’s pretty bad.  Debris floats everywhere.  Damaged ships drift aimlessly.  I don’t see any Borg ships in the immediate vicinity, which is probably a good thing, since weapons and shields are down.  About the only systems that are functional are engines and navigation.

My first act as captain is an easy decision:

After all, my own replicators are broken, so why not take advantage?

Fortunately, I don’t have to decide what to do next on my own.  The U.S.S. Seacole hails, and asks us to beam survivors from several nearby ships and deliver them to the Seacole for evacuation.  Simple enough:

That task completed, I get hailed by the U.S.S. Renown.  Their engines are down, but they’ve got the supplies necessary to get my weapons and shields online again.  I’m to rendezvous with the Renown and get my ship repaired.

Turns out broken engines are the least of the Renown’s problems; they’re venting plasma, and their structural integrity field is on the verge of failure.  I hail them when I arrive, and they beam over the necessary supplies.

“Can I maybe get some spare crewman?  Or maybe a senior officer to command this ship?”  I ask, hoping I won’t have to command the Innovation myself.

“Sorry, Ensign, we don’t have anyone we can spare.  Now, once you get your weapons and shields back online, there are some damaged Borg spheres on the other side of the planet you can take out to test the repairs.”

The crewman at the con lays in a course, and we head to the other side of the planet.  Meanwhile, engineering crews have the weapons and shields back up in short order.  We soon encounter a pair of Borg spheres.  They’re certainly damaged; their weapons and shields are apparently offline, and they only have minimal engine power.  Good target practice, I suppose.  I order their destruction.

They’re destroyed easily enough; I try not to get my hopes up.  Real Borg spheres will be more trouble.  Sure enough, the crewman at Ops tells me there are some Borg ships repairing themselves in sensor range.  We head over to take them out.

Another Starfleet ship meets us there, and together we attack the spheres.  These spheres have functional weapons, however, so I keep my fingers crossed that the shield repairs hold out.  Soon enough, however, the spheres have been destroyed.

We receive a hail from the planet surface.  Commander Kelly wants me to beam down and help take out some Borg installations on the ground.  I motion for one of my bridge crew to tag along with me, and we head for the transporter room.

As soon as we arrive, Kelly looks disdainfully at my lack of equipment (and ignores my protests that I had personally tuned my phaser).  He points at a crate of phaser rifles.  I choose one at random, and he nods approvingly.

Alright, Ensign.  There are some civilians in that complex being held hostage by the Borg.  I need to you to rescue them.”  He points at a group of Borg surrounding a cowering civilian.

Hostages?  Borg don’t take hostages…  Kelly merely shrugs when I ask.  “Who knows why the Borg do anything?”

I look around.  Kelly is being guarded by several Starfleet officers.  “Could I get some help?”

“What, you want some of my crew?  I’m sorry, Ensign.  I need them to protect me.  I’m coordinating ground efforts here, and they can’t be spared.”

Sighing, I head into the complex and take out several groups of Borg.  Civilians run away the moment the Borg are distracted; they won’t even stop long enough to let me ask them any questions.

The last of the civilians rescued, Kelly contacts me via my combadge.  “There’s a Borg communications device being set up nearby.  I need you to disable it before they can call for reinforcements.  Kelly out.”

Sure enough, there’s a large structure being set up nearby by the Borg.  Several groups of Borg are patrolling the perimeter, and a shield has been set up protecting the main structure.

Well, if an engineer has any useful skills, it’s disabling computers, so there’s nothing but to go for it.

My crewmate and I take out several borg drones, then head for a computer console just outside the shield.  I figure out a way to hack into it and disable the shield; then we disable the transmitter from the console on the inside.

The transmitter shuts down, and Kelly contacts me again.  “Good job, Ensign,”  he says, “the transmitter is down.  I’m getting reports from Starfleet that a few more Borg spheres have arrived; you’d better get up to your ship and take them out.”

I’m just about to complain about having to do everything myself, when the crewman at Ops tells me several other Starfleet ships have arrived to assist.

“Fire,” I say, with as much drama as I can muster.

The Borg sphere barely finishes its transmission — We are the Borg, resistance is futile — before it explodes.

We’re busy celebrating when we get another hail.  It’s Admiral Quinn, from Starfleet Command.

“Ensign O’Malley, you’ve done well against the Borg; they appear to be retreating.  Have you ever considered command?”

“Sir,” I reply, “I’d much rather be an engineer.”

“I’m sorry, Ensign,” he says.  “You’re…”  He pauses.  “We need all the ship captains we can get, and you’ve actually shown some affinity for it.  Head to Earth Stardock for repairs; come see me in my office while you’re here.”

Why do I suddenly get the feeling I’m in trouble?

Join us again for next week’s episode of Let’s Play Star Trek Online: Azura Rescue (or: Innovation Renovation)!

Most of it’s from the same botnet; the posted message is virtually identical (a long list of casino-related links which are probably fraudulent).  The botnet always posts using the same username and e-mail address.

Akismet properly flags it as spam, but it still piles up, and I still like glancing through it to make sure no legitimate posts get flagged.  I figured it would be easy to stop the botnet; Wordpress has a built-in blacklist:

Yes, those are the actual values the botnet uses for the e-mail address and username fields on its posts.  Unfortunately, the blacklist doesn’t appear to work at all; I added those values several weeks ago, and it has had no effect.  The same posts keep coming in, with the same username and same e-mail address.

It got to the point where last week, I installed a plugin that bans based on IP address.  For the last several days, I grab all the IP addresses that this botnet posts from, and start banning them.  Sometimes I ban with wildcards (109.122.*.*), when there are a lot of bots on the same network, but usually it’s just individual addresses.

As you can see, it’s working.  Those 479 access attempts are 479 spam posts I didn’t have to sift through.

What troubles me is that there’s basically no remedy for these botnets.  I’ve looked up some of the addresses; a lot of them are in China.  The addresses at the top of that list belong to a particular domain, but the e-mail address of its technical contact doesn’t look particularly trustworthy, so I’m reluctant to send a message there.  I don’t really want to hack into that network and disable the botnet, despite how much fun it would be to succeed.

My wife suggested I enable captchas, but I hate them so I’m not going to.

Any ideas?

Update: The worst set of addresses, 109.122.*.*, belong to a Ukrainian ISP called Megastyle.  They probably wouldn’t care, even if I could contact them…

Welcome back to Let’s Play.  We last left our hero as he beamed from his ship, the U.S.S. Innovation, over to the U.S.S. Khitomer to see how he could be of help.  What will he see when he beams in?  Will he ever be given a security detail?  Will he be forever stuck with his handheld phaser?  And most importantly, will he ever fix the food replicator in his quarters?

I beam into the sick bay of the U.S.S. Khitomer, not quite sure what I’ll see.  Turns out that, despite the Borg invasion, sick bay is doing pretty well.

There aren’t even any explosions or anything, though there are cargo containers stacked haphazardly on either end of the room for some reason.

Out the windows, I can see some crewmen fighting off Borg invaders in the shuttle bay.

Eventually I realize I’m supposed to be doing something useful.  I look around the room to see who might need help.  The EMH is standing over there, flickering as if his emitters are damaged.  When he sees me looking at him, he waves me over to him.

“Ensign!  I need your help here in sick bay.  I have no medical staff.  I assume you passed basic medical training at the Academy?”  I nod that I had.  “Good.  Go over and scan that injured man with your tricorder.”  He points at a man lying uncomfortably on a cargo container.

I’m about to comply when I realize that my job is fixing machines — like holo- emitters.  “EMH,” I say, “I’m an engineer.  Wouldn’t it better if I repair your emitters, so you can take care of these people yourself?  They probably just need to be realigned, it’ll only take -”

The EMH cuts me off.  “Ensign, I really need you to check on that man over there.”

I swallow the rest of my sentence, then walk over to the injured man.  He looks up at me briefly, then closes his eyes again and groans.  I pull out my tricorder and scan him.  Internal bleeding, a few broken ribs, a ruptured kidney… he could probably use a real doctor about now.  I walk back to the EMH and relay my findings.

“Thanks!  I’ll take it from here.  Now I need you to go across the hall and help Lieutenant Thalis repair the auxiliary computer.”  He points at the door across from the shuttle bay windows.  “I’ll be available over the com-link if you need anything.”

I raise an eyebrow at him.  “You can’t even move.  Are you sure you don’t want me to repair your emitters?”  He doesn’t respond.  Ah well; at least I’ll be able to put my engineering expertise to use in Auxiliary Control.

I give the injured crewmen a sympathetic look, then walk out in uncomfortable silence.  Fortunately, I don’t have to walk far; Auxiliary Control is literally across the hall from sick bay.  Down the corridors are crewmen fighting Borg invaders, but someone has thoughtfully put up force fields keeping the Borg – and the crewmen fighting them – out of sick bay.  I hope none of those crewmen need medical assistance.

Inside the room, Lieutenant Thelis is frantically pounding at the controls as if the ship’s safety lies in his ability to type quickly.  Looking at the hull breach behind a force field out the opposite door, I realize that might not be too far from the truth.  I walk over and ask how I can help.

“Ah, Ensign, I’m glad you’re here.  I’ve got the computer repairs under control, but do you see those Borg drones behind that force field?”  I nod, eyeing them warily.  They could figure out how to get through the force field any minute.  “I want you to beam them out into space so I can concentrate on these repairs.”

A grin breaks out onto my face.  At Starfleet Academy they told me it was an absurd idea to use the transporter as a weapon — and here I am saving the day doing exactly that!  I hum a little tune as I enter coordinates into the transporter’s targeting sensors, then watch the Borg drones fly out into space through a hull breach.

Lieutenant Thelis seems absorbed in whatever he’s doing on his console when I go back to him.  I offer to help him with the repairs — I am an engineer, after all — but he declines.  “But hey,” he says, “if you want to be useful, I think Commander Davis needs some help.”

I tap my combadge and contact Commander Davis.  “Yes, Ensign, I’ve got my hands full down here in Main Engineering, so I can definitely use your help.  The Borg have set up some devices on Deck 2 that are blocking our internal sensors and most of our communications.  I need you to go down there and destroy them.  Can you handle that?”

I grimace.  I really wish I had that security detail.  Going into Borg-controlled areas of the ship alone doesn’t sound very safe.  I take a deep breath, locate the turbolift, and head down a deck.

On Deck 2, I find that the Borg have appropriated a hallway and two adjoining rooms for their own use.  There aren’t many drones, though, so that’s a good sign.  Taking aim at one of the devices being set up by a drone, I cross my fingers that I didn’t screw up the wiring, and fire.

Much to my surprise, the Borg have built their devices using something highly explosive.  The drone standing in front of it is thrown several yards, and another quick phaser blast vaporizes it.

Taking heart from my successful phaser modifications, I proceed to blow up several other Borg devices.  I’m somewhat surprised — albeit pleasantly — that only one other drone shows up to defend their machinery.

Eventually I run out of explosive things to blow up, and I contact Commander Davis.  “Good, Ensign,” he says, “it looks like internal sensors are back online.  Are you up for helping me out some more?”

I get the feeling that’s a rhetorical question, so I don’t answer.  Sure enough, he doesn’t pause long enough for me to give one.

“Well, weapons and shields are down, and life support is on emergency power.  The bridge isn’t responding, so it’s up to us to get the ship operational again.  Think you can handle it?”

“I’m an engineer, sir,” I reply, “and I would love to help get your ship back in working order.”  I’m actually serious, too… it sure beats shooting Borg.

“Good,” he replies.  “Come down to Deck 3.  There may be some Borg in the halls, but make your way to Main Engineering as quickly as you can.”

I take the turbolift down another deck.  Sure enough, there are a few Borg drones milling about in the halls, apparently doing… nothing.  They aren’t even trying to access computer terminals or anything.  I’m beginning to wonder if they’re even active when they shoot at me.

With my trusty phaser, I take out the drones as I make my way down the corridor, and eventually arrive at Main Engineering, where some crewmen have set up a defense barricade, including a pair of phaser turrets.  There aren’t any Borg in sight.

I walk past the barricade into engineering.  Commander Davis shouts at me.  “Ah, Ensign!  We’ve got Borg beaming in here.”  Just then several Borg drones beam in.  “Help us!”

I turn around to go grab one of the guys at the barricade, thinking they can help, but Davis stops me.  “Where are you going?  Get down here now!”  He shouts between phaser shots.  Sighing, I dash to their defense point and try not to shoot the warp core.  Now would be a very bad time for my phaser modifications to backfire.

We defeat the invaders, and I head for a computer console to see what needs repairing first.  Commander Davis gets in my way.  “Ensign, I can get the warp core under control.  You should probably head back to your ship.  You can find the transporter room just down that corridor.”

At this point, I start wondering why they won’t let me near anything computer-related.  And why they want me to do all the dangerous work.  Surely nobody on this ship had heard about the incident with the holographic duck, so why would they not want me near their computers?  Besides, the duck thing was just a misunderstanding.

I’m feeling pretty dejected again as I walk to the transporter room.  My captain obviously wants to get rid of me, and this ship’s crew sees me as just some expendable loaner.  I nod at the transporter chief, who beams me back to the Innovation.

The moment I’m on board, one of the crewmen comes up to me.

I stare at her  not quite understanding.  Every officer is dead?

And I’m in charge?

I grimace at the crewman.  “We’ve got a problem,” I tell her.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode of Let’s Play Star Trek Online: My Innovation (or: Banana Pancakes)!

My opinion? We need more games of this nature before we can be sure.

I have been quite excited about the sequel.  It’s supposed to come out on the PC next month (it has been out on consoles for a few months already).  From all appearances, they’ve fixed all the problems with the original game’s gameplay, and refined and improved it, until what they had left was pure liquid awesome.

As it turns out, Ubisoft has decided on adding something else to the game: a horrendously draconian DRM scheme.  In order to play Assassin’s Creed 2, you must be online at all times.

What’s worse, if your internet connection drops at any time, for any reason, your game pauses until the connection is restored.  When this happens, Assassin’s Creed 2 will resume at your last checkpoint, which could be anywhere from five seconds ago to five minutes ago (if its checkpoints are spaced anything like the original).

Five minutes might not seem like a big deal.  But what if your connection is flaky?  What if you’re on a weak-signal wireless connection?  It could happen every five minutes.

What if you just don’t have an internet connection for whatever reason?  What if your ISP decides to shut down your connection for maintenance, or reset your modem remotely, or any number of other things that ISPs like to do which interrupt your connection?

It gets worse.  If Ubisoft’s servers go offline, you can’t play.  What’s more, if they go out of business entirely, you can’t play ever again.

And all this for a single-player game.

There is absolutely no reason for them to be informed of every moment I spend playing their game.  And even if they do want to know for some reason, the game could simply cache data until the connection comes back, and allow you to continue playing uninterrupted.

Anyway, I really, really hate invasive DRM, and this rates an 8 out of 10 on the “Invasive DRM” scale.  The only way it could be worse is if they installed CD-ROM-checking drivers even if you buy a digital copy.  (Other games are guilty of that.)

As a result, I’ll be boycotting Assassin’s Creed 2 — a game I was really looking forward to playing, at full purchase price — until such a time as they remove these measures.

I won’t claim the climate isn’t changing.  That much is obvious.  But I have yet to see anyone show that we’re causing it.  What’s more, I have yet to see anyone show that the climate would stop changing if we (magically) completely eliminated pollution tomorrow – and there’s certainly practically no evidence that we can actually reverse it.

As it turns out, I was wrong; the climate isn’t really changing.

I suspect some of you are staring at your screen with your jaw on the floor.  Allow me to elaborate.  You know the CRU?  The group which was at the forefront of the pro-Anthropogenic-Global-Warming movement?  The group whose e-mails were leaked, displaying their scientific misconduct to the world?

Their director, Phil Jones, has temporarily resigned from his position while the whole thing is investigated.  What’s more, he has publicly admitted that not only is global warming not caused by man, but nothing significant is happening!

But don’t take my word for it.  In his interview with the BBC, he admits that since 1995 there has been no statistically significant planetary warming.  He goes on to quibble over “almost significant” and “over longer periods of time”, in an effort to still support his pro-AGW stance, but then he says this:

Of course, if the [Medieval Warming Period] was shown to be global in extent and as warm or warmer than today (based on an equivalent coverage over the NH and SH) then obviously the late-20th century warmth would not be unprecedented.

Forbes.com points out that “A Nature study last year showed water temperatures in the Indonesia area were the same in medieval times as they are today.”

In other words, there is, in fact, evidence that the MWP was just as warm as we see things today, which means our current warmth is not unprecedented.

Why does this all this matter?  Well, people who think global warming is man-made always point to greenhouse gases as the cause.  Since 1995, we’ve increased our yearly GHG production by 26%; however, this has had no effect on planetary temperatures.

So if greenhouse gases don’t actually affect the planet’s temperature, and if there have been similar warm periods in the past, then what evidence remains to support AGW?

Jones also states something else:

It would be supposition on my behalf to know whether all scientists who say the debate is over are saying that for the same reason. I don’t believe the vast majority of climate scientists think this. This is not my view.

The director of the Climate Research Unit believes the debate is not over.  How then can Gibbs, the White House press secretary, make the statement he made back in December?

… on the order of several *thousand* scientists have come, uh, to the conclusion that, uh, climate change is happening.  Uh, I don’t think that’s, uh, anything that is quite frankly, among most people, in dispute anymore.

Even the CRU didn’t really know whether climate change is happening, or whether it’s man-caused.  (If they were sure, there would have been no reason to engage in all the scientific misconduct they did.)

I, for one, am uncomfortable making policies based on such controversial opinions.

There are plenty of reasons to reduce pollution, so it’s complete and utter nonsense to base any pollution-reducing measures on whether global warming is happening (or even on whether it’s our fault).  (Here I’m referring to the Copenhagen conference, whose stated goal is, according to Gibbs, to “stop and reverse climate change”.)

The majority of everything I write after this paragraph will be from my character’s point of view; if I have something to say I’ll set it off somehow so you know it’s me, rather than my character.  All of the missions I describe will be real, but my characterizations of various… characters… is usually completely fictional – after all, nobody wants to read a literal account of the game.  So, with no further ado, let’s play

The year is 2409.  The Federation and the Klingon Empire are at war, the Romulan homeworld has been destroyed, the Cardassian sector is in turmoil in the aftermath of the Dominion War, and… oh  yeah.

The Borg are attacking.

I’m Ensign Jason O’Malley, a recent graduate of the Starfleet Academy of Engineering.  Welcome to the mess hall of the U.S.S. Innovation.  I’m off duty, despite the Borg attack, which suits me just fine.  It has given me time to tweak my phaser.  That’s basically how I spend my free time… I’m always fiddling with one thing or another.  Last night I improved the efficiency of the food replicator in my quarters by twenty percent, and there aren’t any really bad side effects.  Unless you ask for banana pancakes.  Please don’t ask my food replicator for banana pancakes.  Or anything made with bananas, really.

But other than that, it’s perfect.  Just like this phaser here – it works perfectly.  I’ve only made minor modifications.  At any rate, it doesn’t matter.  I won’t get a chance to use it.  I’m the most junior officer on board, so it’s not like they’re going to ask me to go on any away missions or anything, and the Borg probably won’t beam on board to attack us.  Why would they?  That cube there is a thousand times the size of our little ship.

The captain interrupts my musings to summon me to the bridge.  Did I do something wrong?  I take the turbolift and go out onto the bridge for the first time.  There are a half-dozen officers manning the consoles, and a few people standing around the edges of the room chatting.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Ah, Ensign.  The USS Khitomer is on the main viewer.  I need you to hail them for me.”

“… hail them for you, sir?”

“Yes, hail them for me.  Are you feeling alright, Ensign?”

“Yes sir, I just, uh, thought maybe…”  I gesture at all the people milling around the bridge doing virtually nothing.  “Can’t any of these people do it?  I’m supposed to be off-duty, and I was planning to watch this old Earth movie called ‘Tron’ in half an hour -”

The captain cuts me off.  “Ensign, I gave you a direct order!  Now do your job!”  He waves his hand angrily at the console ten feet in front of him.  As soon as my back is turned I roll my eyes, but I do as he asks, pushing the two buttons on the console required to hail the Khitomer.

The Khitomer’s Emergency Medical Hologram answers our hail.  “We’ve been boarded by Borg.  I’m requesting aid from all Federation vessels in range.”  The EMH looks expectantly at the captain, who stares blankly at the viewscreen.  The EMH clears his throat.  “Captain?  Can you send someone to help us out?  We need someone to take out Borg drones, and I could use some assistance in sick bay…”

The captain shakes his head as if snapping out of a daydream.  He fumbles for an answer.  “Uh… Yes.  Ensign O’Malley, go to the transporter room and beam over to the Khitomer.  Help out their doctor, then assess the situation and see how you can help.”

My jaw drops to the floor.  “Sir, with all due respect, I’m an engineer, not a field medic.  I’m sure our own medical staff would be happy help, and I probably shouldn’t go beaming into hostile territory alone… ”

“ENSIGN!”  He yells.  “How many times are you going to question me today?  Go!  The security chief will authorize your transport.”

Grumbling under my breath, I stalk toward the turbolift.  Is he seriously sending me over by myself?  Maybe the security chief will have a security detachment for me.  That must be it – this must be a test of my command ability!  With this realization firmly in mind, I pick up my step and whistle a tune as I round the corner into the transporter room.

The security chief is leaning against a console, flirting with one of the transporter technicians.  I clear my throat to get her attention.  She gives an exaggerated sigh as I tell her what the captain wants.  “Very well,” she says.  “Step onto the transporter pad.”

“Could I maybe get some backup?  A security team, or at least some field armor?  A phaser rifle?  A medkit?”  She shakes her head at every request, her glare becoming more angry with each question.  Clearly she wants to resume flirting with the transporter chief.  Taking one envious glance at the combat utilities she has strapped all over herself, I walk over to the transporter.

She grumbles “Energize” as soon as I’m on the transporter pad, and has already resumed her flirting as I beam out.

Stay tuned for next week’s episode of Let’s Play Star Trek Online: Aboard the Khitomer (or: The Khitomer A-kills)!

I have always had a love-hate relationship with Apple’s products.  They’re generally shiny and easy-ish to use, but they aren’t really meant for half of my computer usage (gaming), and it’s much cheaper to just build my own desktop myself.  Their “PC vs Mac” commercials anger me.  I’m very much against intrusive DRM.  All told, I’m simply not in their target demographic.

… Then I got an iPhone.  It’s a gorgeous little device.  The interface is intuitive and responsive.  The built-in apps are slick.  The App Store, while technically DRM-laden, does not intrude with its DRM (as I only own the one Apple device, and even so, apps are transferable to other Apple devices).  The App Store itself is extremely convenient.  It’s handy having an internet connection available on-the-go.

So what does that all mean with respect to the iPad?  Probably nothing.  I still don’t like Apple any better than I did before I got my iPhone… but they do make sleek products.

A lot of people are saying that the iPad is merely a giant iPod Touch.  Others are outraged at the implication, and go out of their way to point out every single minute difference in an attempt to show that the two devices are completely different.  The intent of this post is to show that I fall somewhere in between those two extremes, and to explain why my opinion falls there.

The first question to get out of the way is, “How is the iPad similar to the iPod Touch?”  Here is a short list of the similarities I see:

• The iPad’s look and feel was deliberately designed to be similar to the iPod Touch and iPhone, both in software and hardware.
• The iPad’s operating system is largely identical to that of the iPod Touch and iPhone; it merely contains some additional functionality suitable for a device its size.
• The iPad is capable of running unmodified iPod Touch and iPhone apps straight from the App Store.

You could, in effect, use the iPad as nothing more than a giant iPod Touch, and you would see virtually no change in usage.

Let’s pretend for a moment that we want to make a device that is, literally, little more than a giant iPod Touch.  We take the existing device, and enlarge it to 10″ diagonal.  We upgrade the internal hardware appropriately for its new size, and we redesign the UI to take advantage of the additional screen space.  (We’ll say that these upgrades merely make it faster, rather than adding new features, so that it really is just a large iPod Touch.  Upgrading from 802.11g to 802.11n would fall within the scope of these changes, since no new functionality is obtained, but adding a built-in SD card slot would not.)  Let’s call this hypothetical device the iGiant.

The question now becomes, how is the iPad different from the iGiant?  (Stating the question in this matter actually addresses the crux of the issue – it lets us see whether the iPad is in fact an innovative device, or whether it is simply a giant iPod Touch with some UI polish.)  I’m going to further narrow down the question by explicitly discussing the wifi-only iPad, since I do not intend to purchase a 3G-enabled iPad.

So let’s see if we can figure out the differences here between the iPad and the iGiant.  UI differences are irrelevant, as the iGiant would, hypothetically, make virtually all the same UI upgrades.  Let’s see if we can list any features of the iPad that wouldn’t be on the iGiant:

• Increased bluetooth capabilities.  The iPhone and iPod Touch are only capable of pairing with headsets or with other iP* devices, whereas the iPad is capable of also pairing with keyboards and, theoretically, other bluetooth devices, though a mouse is not supported.
• Video output capabilities.  The iPad is capable of connecting to an external display.  Natively, the iPad will only mirror its display onto the external one, but the SDK allows for using the external display as a *second* display, which opens interesting possibilities for using the iPad as a control panel for whatever is being displayed on the external monitor.
• Local file storage.  This makes it far easier to use the iPad as a writing tool.  While it would technically be possible to do word processing on the iGiant, its lack of local file storage would make the prospect cumbersome at best.  This can be seen in existing iPhone and iPod Touch apps (mostly for jailbroken phones) which attempt to enable local file storage by using the app’s configuration storage as file storage.
• iBooks.  The iPad will come with an integrated eBook store, which presumably will not be available for iPhones and iPod Touches.  Some people will find the iPad’s screen to be better for reading than (for example) the Kindle, but that’s mostly personal preference, but the iPad will also enable additional content in eBooks like color pictures and video, which could make for some very interesting educational eBooks.
• A few hardware peripherals.  The camera adapter is an interesting addition, allowing you to use your iPad as a photo organizer (the iPod Touch can’t do this without using your computer as an intermediary), and the same goes for the SD card adapter.  The keyboard dock is also interesting.

I can’t think of anything else, really, and Apple’s tech specs on their iPad page don’t give me any other ideas.

So based on this list, I would conclude the iPad is more than just an iGiant, but not by much.  Edit: You might be wondering why I dismiss the features I’ve listed as “not much”.  The reason is that the iPad doesn’t do multitasking, making real desktop-class usage impossible, and that in my opinion disqualifies it from being “completely different” from the iPod Touch.

Does this mean the iPad isn’t an interesting device?  Hardly; the larger touchscreen is by itself significant.  People have innovated quite a bit with the smaller touchscreens on the iP* devices we already have; I imagine we’ll see even more creativity when people get their hands on a larger interactive area.

All in all, I think the iPad is an interesting and tantalizing move by Apple, and it does have a lot of potential as a platform, but I don’t think it’s anywhere near the world-shaking innovation some fanboys seem to think it is.

Do I plan to get an iPad?  Probably.  The cheapest one.  It will be fun to play with, and I have some interesting ideas for apps that will be fun to tinker with even if I never sell them.